Is it just me or do all women at some age begin to get baby fever? I mean there are times where you really want a baby and then it passes within a few days...but this time it seems to have been super glued to my every fucking thought. I can't watch , go , or hear anything without a baby being associated with it. I'm so mentally ready for a baby that the fact that I have no partner to raise a child with doesn't phase me.
I tell myself...Destinee...do you really want to be another statistic? I answer myself..."Yea why not?"
I mean I've gotten my degrees, it's not like I'm some college student and the worse part of it all is....I'm about to hit my 30's. Those of you who are 30 and over don't take this as a insult. It's merely the fact that I wanted to be at a certain place...at a certain time and I'm not there yet. This is a personal goal I can't really achieve alone. Which sucks...cause if I could you already know I'd have already set the plan into motion.
I mostly blame my ex for this sudden urge to pass on my cute genes. I had decided before meeting him that 32 was a good age to begin this next cycle of life. Now...I can't even wait til 30.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
LOST
Lost
I am composing this letter to whomever it may concern. At the age of 29 I've seen many things...thing's I've enjoyed and things that have left me cold. I've traveled many places, dated many men, tasted foods from different cultures...mad love in the middle of the day. I've done so much...yet so little at the same time. I've earned degrees in art , and still feel as though I can only accomplish stick figures compared to others.I am no longer satisfied with my accomplishments and they seem meager in the grand scope of things.
I am...in a sense...completely fucking lost. When you've accomplished things that you wanted and...gotten over mountains you didn't expect to climb on your journey...you sorta come to a point where you're tired of all the twists and turns of the winding road called life. You begin to look for some stability because you're feet are bruised from all that damn walking...you hands are cut and calloused from all the climbing...and you're body is aching all over from the constant need to keep pushing yourself forward. I am that point.
I find myself in a valley screaming at the top of my lungs. "Is anyone out there dealing with the same shit that I'm dealing with?" All I ever hear is an echo , which is completely and utterly depressing. We go through life stuffing our souls with the idea that we need to find someone to travel this path with. No one is ever really up to the task and there are times when you have to do the hardest part on your own. They call this...learning. Do we learn? Well yes...we do learn and that's their point. You know...the systems point on how everyone should act and be. The system is also known as our society and the funny thing about our society is that we've created these rules of normality, and these rules of normality in which everyone should strive for leaves the populace mundane and colorless. Those who can't fit into this little niche of popularity are cast out as being unfit for society...the system.
At one point people with different religious veiws , skin color , and monetary status were cast out for not fitting the mold.Now without tipping the scale too much I am trying to find out where I'm suppose to be. Things that use to be important to me seem so pointless now. It leaves me standing outside looking at those who fall within the guidelines of normal and those who live in a world of taboo. I don't fit with either , so where does that leave me?
I am composing this letter to whomever it may concern. At the age of 29 I've seen many things...thing's I've enjoyed and things that have left me cold. I've traveled many places, dated many men, tasted foods from different cultures...mad love in the middle of the day. I've done so much...yet so little at the same time. I've earned degrees in art , and still feel as though I can only accomplish stick figures compared to others.I am no longer satisfied with my accomplishments and they seem meager in the grand scope of things.
I am...in a sense...completely fucking lost. When you've accomplished things that you wanted and...gotten over mountains you didn't expect to climb on your journey...you sorta come to a point where you're tired of all the twists and turns of the winding road called life. You begin to look for some stability because you're feet are bruised from all that damn walking...you hands are cut and calloused from all the climbing...and you're body is aching all over from the constant need to keep pushing yourself forward. I am that point.
I find myself in a valley screaming at the top of my lungs. "Is anyone out there dealing with the same shit that I'm dealing with?" All I ever hear is an echo , which is completely and utterly depressing. We go through life stuffing our souls with the idea that we need to find someone to travel this path with. No one is ever really up to the task and there are times when you have to do the hardest part on your own. They call this...learning. Do we learn? Well yes...we do learn and that's their point. You know...the systems point on how everyone should act and be. The system is also known as our society and the funny thing about our society is that we've created these rules of normality, and these rules of normality in which everyone should strive for leaves the populace mundane and colorless. Those who can't fit into this little niche of popularity are cast out as being unfit for society...the system.
At one point people with different religious veiws , skin color , and monetary status were cast out for not fitting the mold.Now without tipping the scale too much I am trying to find out where I'm suppose to be. Things that use to be important to me seem so pointless now. It leaves me standing outside looking at those who fall within the guidelines of normal and those who live in a world of taboo. I don't fit with either , so where does that leave me?
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